Where I'm having trouble thinking rationally about my family. It's mostly a lack of sleep on my part (and the kids) combined with a really frustrating last 2 weeks.
Lily has been extremely stubborn lately. She wants to do everything herself and more importantly she is bound and determined to be a "big girl." This means she wants to buckle herself into her carseat (even though it takes forever and a day), she wants to get herself dressed (and have executive decisions over what matches and what does not), she wants to wear big girl underwear at all times (even though she doesn't stay dry at naps or overnight), and she wants to eat candy at all hours of the day and night. When something doesn't happen as she wants, she screams, hits and throws a holy fit. On the upside, Lily is almost completely potty trained during the day!!! This just makes her more stubborn about wearing underwear to bed though. There have been several nights in the last couple of weeks that Adam and I have just put her to bed and let her cry it out instead of doing our normal routine. Every time we do this I check on her before going to be myself. Every time she has been buck necked in her crib with all the blankets (and jammies) thrown out onto the floor. We get her dressed and put her back in bed and she sleeps through the night.
While Lily has worn me down, Addie has put what could be the final nail in the coffin for me. She has been throwing outrageous fits about getting her hair brushed. I finally lost it this week when Addie spit on me during one of her temper tantrums. After swim lessons on Tuesday I took her to a salon and had her hair cut. They took off somewhere around 10 inches - enough to donate to Locks of Love. Addie feels very good that she gave her hair to a sick little girl that needed it. We've been making a big deal out of how cute her hair looks and how now it doesn't hurt to have it brushed.
Well, this morning it started all over again. Addie (after having gone to bed late, woken up once in the night and being up early) had her emotions very close to the surface today. Everything that could be wrong was. I didn't put her Barbie movie in fast enough. I didn't get her after breakfast snack fast enough. I bought Lily new princess underwear and not Addie. I wanted to wash her hair when she got into the shower. I wanted to brush her hair. Daddy wasn't there to brush her hair. I even tried to get her to brush her own hair, nothing worked. I finally had to hold her down and run the brush through her hair. I feel like a horrible Momma. I know I'm doing the right things and holding firm on what needs to be done, but I feel horrible that I am loosing my temper.
I need a Momma Vacation. A nice little flight to Los Cabos (video link). Lots of sun, surf, quiet and some yummy margaritas. Make that a lot of margaritas. Anyone with me? Or maybe a trip to the Blue Lagoon in Iceland.
**Edited to add: I went for a brisk walk to the Y after dinner tonight, biked for 20 minutes then joined the family in the swimming pool. I am feeling much better, but my idea of a Momma Vacation still stands. Especially if there is a Sugar Daddy out there willing to finance the trip.